Goal-Obsession Is Driving You Mad. Here's How To Reverse Course.
Almost all of us have goals, whether they be in terms of our health, relationships, or careers. Goals are a great thing to have. They inspire us to consistently (and sometimes inconsistently) work towards them. But there is a negative side to goals. And it’s often the goals themselves. But I just said that goals are great, right? Correct, but you’re setting the wrong ones. Many people (perhaps most) suffer from goal obsession. That’s when you get so attached to the outcome of something, that it blinds and robs you of what’s more important: improvement. Being obsessed with a certain goal is often the reflection of an insecurity and a fear of something. For example, you loathe the way you look physically and you have an ideal image of how you should look like in your head. Or you feel lonely and think that a partner (often a very specific image of one) will make you happy and fulfilled. Or that job promotion will. You name it, people have thought it. But where it leads them is often a dangerous place, even (and especially) if they attain the goal they’ve so desperately wanted for such a long time. It’s because the “goal” is a bandage on an untreated wound. You have to treat the wound before you cover it up with something. Ask yourself “Am I chasing this for the right reasons?” If you think that the reasons are justified, then great, go for it, but looking deep into yourself and asking why is an essential first step. Loving and appreciating the journey is the next.
What I’m writing about in this post isn’t necessarily “unrealistic” goals. I don’t like that term in the way it’s most often used because something that currently may be unrealistic or unfeasible won’t necessarily remain that way if you work at something for long enough. What I’m actually saying is the problem is an unhealthy obsession with the goal itself and the root of what causes that. Most people that have an obsession with something or someone operate out of lack or fear. They either want that person or thing desperately BECAUSE they don’t have them/it and they think that it’ll solve all of their problems or because they fear the consequences of not getting it. Add social media into the mix and you get an unhealthy grind culture that rewards obsessive thinking and shallowness through and through.
Well, you really want something (or someone). What should you do? The process is everything. If you’re working on improving a skill, constantly fixating on “perfecting” it isn’t actually going to help you; it’ll just make you more anxious and impatient. If instead you actually enjoy practicing that skill and learn new things each and every day (and enjoy the learning process), you build what’s called a growth mindset. Setbacks, which most people view as negative, are actually a great thing. Why? They teach us what we did wrong so we learn from our mistakes. Same thing can be applied to health, dating, jobs, you name it. Appreciate the process of growing (which requires setbacks). It’ll make you a stronger and healthier person and actually build lasting fulfillment.
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