There are reasons why certain situations hit you differently than they hit other people. And it’s never about the situation itself. Two different people can get cut off by a car on the way to work in the same exact way, but the reason why one reacts in a fit of rage while the other remains completely calm and indifferent is due to one thing - resistance.
When we resist something mentally, we exert a mental force that clashes with it. That of course causes friction. Without that force, there would be no friction. And it goes beyond situations; emotions you try to block out are the same way. You can literally fear the state of fear. When you feel the fear starting to crop up, you may try to mentally push it down or block it out by distracting yourself. This almost never works. Why? Because you’re using resistance to fight the emotion. You’re using fire to fight fire. And we know how that would turn out, don’t we? It makes the fire bigger. Only water can fight fire. And that water, in this case, is nonresistance.
My new (and first) book: “Motivated Insight” - goes into this concept in great detail so please be sure to pick it up if you’d like to learn more; it would mean a lot to me.
The way you act in daily situations are almost always because of your mental patterns. You welcome certain people and things because you associate them with positive memories, and you resist other people and things because you’re trying to avoid the pain of negative memories. But this interrupts the flow of life. Life is here to be dealt with through a resilient and strong mind, not a weak one. But the idea that you may have of those words may mean the opposite of the way I’m using them.
When I say “strong” and “resilient”, I don’t mean trying to control people and things around you. I don’t mean that every time something hits you in a negative way, you lose control, whether that be throwing a fit or having an anxiety attack. Those very things are a product of mental resistance. Instead, I mean letting the situation unfold, and looking at it for what it is, which is worldly. Worldly things are impermanent, a product of ignorance or random cause and effect, and always fluctuating. They aren’t there to spite you, and even if it seems like they are, such as may be the case when someone says something rude to you, realize the source of that rudeness - ignorance. Ignorance is caused by suffering. And it’s hard to be angry at someone when you feel bad for them for suffering. Whether it be ignorance or random cause and effect, your goal in life should be to not push it away. Let the situation or emotion come up, see it for what it is and move on or deal with it if necessary. If you need to deal with certain things, do so. I’m not telling you to not deal with certain situations. But deal with them in a nonresistant state, with clarity and good intentions. Don’t deal with them by losing control. That never works.
Eventually, your life goal should become to practice nonresistance in all situations. After all, that situation is going to unfold either way. That emotion may just come up no matter what. But overcome it through patience and letting go. Only water can put out flames. And the water that arises through true awakening is more vast than the seas that cover the world.
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